We've decided to take the movie in a crazy new direction. John mixes the wrong drugs, and as a result he turns into a giant crab and attacks the city. Well, he doesn't attack the city. He more just sort of sits atop Jake's, menacingly.
Needless to say, this has been a controversial decision. Half of the crew has quit over what they call "dumb-ass stupidity," but we believe that this is the only satisfying way our movie can conclude. In the thrilling final minutes, John the giant crab swings on the convention center's spires telling the entire city how it will be happier "under the sea."
Seriously, though, we're editing editing editing, and we're on the lookout for some good tunes. If you're a musician in Portland and have any tracks you'd feel like donating to this madness, please drop us a line. You (probably) won't regret it.
